[OLD STEVE] [WORLD OF THE CONTENT] [THE RE-WRITTEN LIST] [LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS] [THE THREE LEVELS]
CHAPTER 27.
The Pub.
MY BIOGRAPHY.
1. The early days went extremely well and despite a general decline in the Holiday Trade we managed, for at least the first five years, to increase our turn over, not only the result of price increases in general, but as a result in a small, but significant, increase in volume sales. Above all else we were holding our own, paying our way and living quite well. One of the first things that I quickly learnt about the Pub Trade and of many of its Landlords and Landladies, is that they have so little time to spend any money, which they might make and that includes any 'surplus and dodgy capital,' that they turn it all into jewellery and drape it all over themselves. You must have seen them; chunky, oversized, solid gold bracelets, large linked choker chains and gold sovereign rings on every finger and that is only the men. The women tend to stick to oversized earrings, oversized diamond rings and enough gold chains, round their necks, that it must take them half an hour to put them all on and god knows how long to take them off when they are pissed. I have known of one or two fine gold chains that have been broken and not missed when the local lads, short of cash, have started larking about. The other side of the coin of course being that they can't bare to think they might not be doing as well as the next and so in order to impress and boost their own ego they exaggerate everything. Along with the jewellery, they over dress, the hair styles are way out and the wad of cash that is flashed is for show and has to be returned to the till as soon as they get back home. Behind their backs they would often be ridiculed and be referred to as 'Money Splash,' and yet they would still work hard at projecting the image. Then there is the coup de grace, the social functions, the Licensed Victualler's Dinners, Banquets and Balls. All had to be attended, whether they could be afforded or not, and on each occasion in an entirely different and expensive outfit selected to outshine all the rest and how is it done? The Club Catalogue! Even down to the earrings, cigarette lighters, cuff links and top clothing, the coats etc. Come the following Monday all, with the exception of the shoes, which were scuffed on the soles, and handkerchiefs and underwear, are returned, marked unsuitable and the total cost, for that evening, amounting to only the afore mentioned none returnable, which sadly have to be kept. You can imagine the fashion parade followed by the bawling and screaming as the evening wore on and the drink went down, and where due to the ensuing exuberance something got spilt down an expensive garment. I loved them all and thanked god my wife never wanted to be one of them. In fact we found the whole lot of them so false that we did very little socialising within the trade and learnt to live with the disadvantages, if there were any. Although my wife did join, for a short time, the Ladies Licensed Victualler's and found them to be a decent bunch, mainly because the majority were either retired or had never been in the trade.
2. We worked long hours and didn't feel that the hourly rate that we earned left sufficient latitude to go splashing it about in an attempt to impress others who were doing just that.
Pubs vary from area to area according to the type of clientele they cater for and it was always my experience that some, although not all, from the roughest areas and the toughest pubs were the flashiest when it came to the jewellery etc. I remember one guy in particular who having just left our pub, after splashing his money around to impress, prompted one of our customers to remark how he thought it amazing that he had never been mugged by his own customers as his pub was one of those that was so rough that if someone attempted to fire bomb it, the petrol and contents of the bottle would be drunk before it hit the ground.
3. But that to one side for the moment! I set up my Hypnotherapy/Psychotherapy Practice by converting one of the big upstairs rooms, used one of the others as a Waiting Room and with toilets etc on the same floor and a separate entrance, it was ideal. Thereafter I would work at that during the day, while my wife supervised downstairs, and then when it got really busy during the summer, I would wind down my activities and concentrate more on the pub. We worked it between us and it went well.
4. The life of a licensee is not all about opening the Pub doors at the requisite time, selling beer etc until the required closing time and then sharing out the takings before going to bed, although many of the dick heads that came our way, seemed to think so. It never entering their ale swilled minds that the stuff they were drinking had to be bought and paid for and that we had overheads and staff wages and that was why there was not unlimited free drink when their money ran out. The number of times we would hear, 'I spend all my money in here and now I am skint you can't even give me a drink,' or 'Lend us a tenner out of the till, I know there's plenty in there.' Not many, but a few, would still ask for credit despite the fact that they knew the law did not allow it and most pubs were very strict in enforcing it and who would lend anything to anyone who was likely to be unable to remember it the following day or who, if they did, were unlikely, having got away with it, to come in again and pay you back? In fact it was incredible how many times, while under the influence of drink, they would either take it for granted or demand you broke the law, on their behalf, while not caring a damn about what might happen to you if you did. Their minds were incapable of working out anything beyond the next drink.
5. My study of human behaviour got a tremendous boost when I was able to observe, from behind the bar, the infinite variety of ways in which people behave while under the influence of drink. Myself included, for if I stayed sober I would and could cope with just about everything. But if I had more than a couple of drinks before closing time I would often end up in trouble having made mistakes, misjudged a situation or ended up making some ill conceived remark that would loose me a valued customer, who's equally addled brain had failed to understand me. To be in complete control you had to be stone cold sober and there was no way you could meet it part way and I should know because on occasions I tried and paid the price. The worst scenario was to be very quite at lunchtime and then, through over socialising with customers and accepting their offers of drink, try and work that evening. It just did not work as, usually by then, you were both wanting more drink and you were also too damned tired to concentrate the result of drink. Alcohol is, after all, a stimulant that quickly turns into an anaesthetic and of course effects people in a variety of ways and depends entirely on their physical and emotional makeup, as to how exactly they handle it.
6. There are three distinct types of drinker which can be loosely defied as follows and please note I say loosely as there are, and always will be, grey areas, where they overlap and become interlinked. But for now, there is the social drinker, the habitual drinker and the alcoholic and we got them all. The third and last, having the toughest time of all three and of all those in-between.
7. The social drinker is the man or woman who enjoys their drink and holds it in perspective regarding the amount they consume and here we are talking about in the pub environment and not what happens in the privacy of their own homes. They are the ones who can take and enjoy a drink, in the company of others, and in the surroundings and atmosphere provided by the Pub and it's staff. The habitual drinker is the one less interested in the Pub and often the people who get in there, with the exception of their own kind, with whom they will set up a very insular relationship just to be on the safe side and to protect themselves against such emergencies as running out of cash or being a bit short and needing to scrounge. They are the ones most interested in getting drink down their necks, either as a reward for some unrecognised psychological problem or as an escape from the pain of their perceived reality. It is the need for the quick fix and the continued dulling of the brain, that the alcohol provides that is the top priority. I don't propose to go much deeper than that here, but to state that in general, we all become noisy, bold, uninhibited and then fall down and go to sleep.
8. The alcoholic is the unfortunate who through either a physical or emotional defect and one or more over which he or she appears to have lost control, and as a result develops obsessive behaviour where life cannot be tolerated or coped with out side the inebriated state. A drunk requires, nor deserves, any sympathy but an alcoholic needs all the understanding, sympathy and love they can get and that despite the fact that the complexities of their problems will not allow them to recognise that fact. I have dealt with many drink related problems over the years and know that only too well.
9. So how do you cope with a mixture of all that in a Pub? You do your best and with the alcoholic you give him a drink and send him on his way, for to refuse him is to add to his already overbearing agony. The rest you juggle, as you go along, with no one particular day being the same as the previous or the next.
10. But gosh, how depressing when you look at it like that and it is not. It's a great life and you certainly see 'life' and must remember that running a Pub is not a job, trade or a profession nor is it exactly a vocation, it is more a 'complex way of life' and if you can adapt to that way of life it can be wonderful. There are lots of things you have to get used to and adapt to, if you are going to survive. To start with you have to be prepared to work long and unsociable hours, see your family when you can and pass the wife on the staircase as she comes down to work and you go up for a meal. But having said that, much of your working time is spent in a good atmosphere and in the company of people who are out to relax and enjoy themselves and their fun and relaxed attitude brushes off onto you. Then if a Landlord and Landlady can and will work together, as we did, and are willing to relieve their partners so that there is some relaxation time then a lot of the pressure is taken off, even if the time off has to be spent mingling with the customers, in the bar. Some people thought it strange that I was quite happy, on some of these occasions, to just nip round the corner to one of the other pubs, where I had a mutual agreement with the Landlord there, not to talk 'shop' and to spend an hour or so and then not before I had told my wife, beforehand, where I was going in order that I was readily available should something untoward happen, which it often did.
11. To relate everything that happened, over the years, while we were there, would be near impossible, simply because there was so much and a high proportion would appear boring to someone not directly involved. So what I have done is try and take a random selection and propose to relate only a few of the perhaps more bizarre incidents and hope that you will not misinterpret them and take them as being representative of the whole. Although at times I must admit it felt like that.
12. So back to my 'nipping out' for the odd hour and the numerous times I managed it and the times I did not. I would often get clear when some idiot would find their way in and start giving my staff a hard time and often that would be because they were under the influence and had seen me, in either one of the other pubs or on my way there. It was often as if my absence gave them an open invitation to take advantage of the fact and I would then be called back. Other times it would be strangers who seeing no 'obvious' Landlord, behind the bar, thought that, for some reason, it gave them the right to be stupid and often they got quite a shock when they discovered who the Landlady was and that they had got themselves on the wrong side of her. But it was not always my absence that caused problems. They could just as easily arise whilst I was there and then not come only from my regulars or from strangers but from my peers.
13. At one time a group of Licensees and their hangers on, thought it amusing to start out from where ever, and tour the others pubs and to do, what they thought, was highly entertaining, whilst doing so. About the time they were at their worst there were sixty-four fully licensed Pubs, within the town boundary, and hundreds of licensed Hotels, Guest Houses, Restaurants and Night Clubs. So often they became 'mob handed' and having toured quite a few establishments and swelled their number and at the same time becoming well inebriated, they would descend on who ever they had selected as their next victim. Then once in the bar, they would be very noisy, a Landlords right, or so they thought, when away from their own establishments, and demand that you either put on your coat and joined them or you paid for their round of drinks to get rid of them.
Now that mode of behaviour did not appeal to me in the slightest, nor could I either afford to go with them or buy them a very expensive round of drinks as an alternative. They always picked a busy time and when after a few visits I started to refuse them, they would create havoc with the staff, shouting and cross ordering and claiming they had paid for things when they hadn't and what have you. They became such a nuisance and despite the unwritten law that you never refuse a fellow Landlord, I felt that after several unwanted visits and following their departure finding things missing from the pub, that I had to raise the matter at an LVA meeting, under 'Pub Talk,' where normally such things as price fixing was done and where nothing was recorded as the official meeting had closed. They listened and then told me that if I could not 'hack' the trade then to get out of it, but from there on must have labelled me a 'spoil sport,' or something stronger, as they left me alone after that. But I didn't care because at least my ornaments, pictures and bar fittings stopped disappearing as they had, in abundance, after that lot had been in. Someone tried to tell me I was being petty, but I didn't agree, when on more than one occasion one of my bar tables and several stools went missing and ended up spread out in other pubs. Large, expensive pictures went off the walls and I shudder to think how many ashtrays and drinks glasses went and never came back and I was supposed to think that was funny. Piss heads.
14. But enough of them, as throughout 'them and their antics,' and all the rest, I carried on my Health Practice and out of season managed, in most weeks, to pack a few sandwiches and sit in my car, for a full half day, on the cliff top at Ravenscar, one of the most tranquil and beautiful places in the whole of North Yorkshire, and write.
15. We had, or we had in the beginning, a good healthy, all year round trade, boosted by visitors in the summer and one that seemed to have its mad moments on most days of the year. In those days nearly every town had its 'town trail' and the big cities had several. In other words a traditional route where the younger end would meet up early, at a particular pub, and then move from pub to pub, having a drink in each, before ending up in the Night Clubs. Scarborough was no exception and where we were located, near the town centre, was almost at the end of the trail, so we got our surge and by that I mean of several hundred all at once, between about nine-thirty and ten-thirty each evening and, of course, by then they were getting the worse for ware from the drink. But before that let us stop for a moment and take a look at a typical week, if there was such a thing.
16. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights; regular trade with passing trade and some surges resulting from Hen Nights, Stag Nights, Birthdays, Firm's Outings and what have you, but mainly confined to darts, domino and pool teams, with home and away games and competing with all the other pubs in the different leagues. Supper being provided by the Landlady of the 'Home Team.' It was all highly competitive and created a good atmosphere with knockouts and finals and parties towards the end of the year and just before the 'Season' started. Nearly every pub had several teams, in those days, and so there would be something going on every night. Most teams would sport T-shirts or jumpers with the pub name and team logo on them, but there always had to be the exception. Take for example one Ladies Darts Team who for years were known as the 'Golden Shoe Brigade.' The whole team, including their Landlady, wore black tops with garish gold embroidery, long skirts and gold coloured, casual shoes. Unusual they may have looked, but they were smart and it got them noticed. Then there was another team, again of ladies, who would insist on shouting and screaming hysterically every time one of their players scored a point and then if they lost the game they would walk out of the pub, en masse, and not stay for supper. Those who remained, our team and their supports, usually cheered, when they did that, and it was noticeable that when they played host, in their own pub, they were always quiet and well behaved, as their Landlady didn't like them making noise. There were loads of other teams that would try and win at all costs and bend and break the rules to support their cause. They were the ones who would barrack and jostle players, then apologise profusely or they would walk in front of a darts player, as they were about to throw. They were the same teams, or similar, who would claim the Dart Board was set too high or too low on the wall, move and exchange their players between teams, which was strictly forbidden, and claim they were 'Registered' with that team for crucial games, in finals and semi-finals etc and everyone would be either too busy to take it up or to do so would cause so much hassle and accusation and cross accusation that they would often get away with it. Or the Pool Table was not level or the Domino Scorers were cheating but the best one of all was, 'We claim the Game.' Games started at a fixed and predetermined time and there was fifteen minutes allowed for late arrivals and should your team be one or more players short at the start, the opposition would all stand, watches in hand, counting down to the seconds, waiting for the fifteen minutes to expire so they could, under the rules, claim the game. They were always the teams who shouted the loudest when the tables were turned on them and were the first to claim un-sportsman like behaviour, attitude and victimisation. We had, at one time, a Pool Team where one of the players wives fell out with my wife over something petty and they placed a notice in the local press stating that from then on all our Pub Teams would be playing from another Pub. They couldn't understand or wouldn't understand why I immediately recruited a new set of players and we simply carried on from there.
17. Most towns will have at least one pub where all the 'undesirables' tend to congregate and where the Police and Breweries will turn a blind eye to most of what goes on in there, claiming that at least they knew where they all are and if they did something about it, did we want their custom? One, just such establishment, decided that they wanted to enter teams in the dart league and having done so, there being no strict rules, legal or moral, to stop them, it was funny to see them arrive with their Landlord and a couple of 'minders' to ensure the team, that they brought with them, conformed to the variety of verbal rules, laid down for their acceptance by the different Landlords, Team Captains and Sponsors. They usually did quite well, in the different leagues, as many teams would forfeit games before visit their pub, but we always went and choosing to ignore the cat calling and verbal snipping and abuse that usually went with it, found it a laugh and an unusual experience. Also on their visits to us we usually found the bar takings would be up slightly, every scrap of food would be eaten and the team raffle always made more money on those nights. It might have had something to do with our, sneaky and astute committee who always ensured that one of their players won the prize and that it was, always on that night, 'booze,' but then I wouldn't know about that, would I?
18. Thursday night would see a predominance of girls, going about in large numbers and groups, and they would be heading for the Night Clubs where entry, on Thursdays, was usually free for women. They could be noisy while all dressed in their best and looking, every one, a million dollars, and they would depart after having stripped all the toilets of the toilet paper, which was always in short supply in some pubs and most Night Clubs. That and leaving their personal messages, in the form of graffiti on the toilet walls and mirrors, was all part and parcel of those nights. They say the lads can be bad but before you agree you should take a look in a Ladies Loo. They did less physical damage than the lads but their artwork and prose was something else.
19. Also don't tell me that the average girl does not accept responsibility for herself. Over the years we had several Condom Vending Machines, among other things, in the toilets and eventually took them out of the 'Gents' due to the fact that they were consistently broken into, not for the Condoms but for the cash. Whereas we had to constantly and regularly fill those in the Ladies, where the demand was extraordinary. Before we leave the dubious subject of Loos and you come to the conclusion that we had 'urinal gas' on the brain.' Let me tell you about the girl who, in the confusion and their enthusiasm, cut her bottom, on a piece of broken glass, in a wash basin, where the bloke who had gone in the Ladies Loo, with her, had sat her for a little bit of 'you know what,' in the basin. Or the girl I found with her bum over the Gent's Urinal claiming the Ladies was too busy and she was desperate. Then the bawling and screaming when someone thought a girl was having a miscarriage or the hundreds of other minor scraps over some bloke or husband or what have you, some girls even being into battling over other girls. Damage in the Gents was on going and went in phases. It might only be a few tiles kicked and cracked or all the windows put through with empty bottles or the toilet paper all pulled off the roll and set alight or excrement left or wiped anywhere other than where it should have been left. Other times it would be pipes ripped off the walls and water left running everywhere, or ceramic urinals, wash basins and toilet pots smashed and pulled free of their mountings. The law said we had to provide soap and towels in all toilets. We never put any in the Gents and removed them from the Ladies at weekends, as we considered any possible fines, for not having them, would be cheaper than the provision and replacement of such items, which experience had taught us, were either stolen or in the case of towels, abused and stuffed down toilets. A toilet seat, in a Gent's Toilet would not last a week, so to those who complained we simply apologised and did nothing. One weekend the door to one of the toilet cubicles had been smashed beyond repair and on the Monday morning I had been and bought a replacement and with the time available to me had left it secured by only one screw, in each hinge, and with no door fastenings. The following day a member of staff, working for the first time that week, remarked that he thought I had said that I had replaced the door. I had but it was no longer there and a couple of the screws, that had secured it, were on the floor. The only way out of that pub, from that toilet, was through the bar and in the crush no one had seen a full sized door go out. Later, after closing time, we did a quick tour of the area, to see if it had been dumped anywhere, but that door was never seen again.
20. Friday night would see a predominance of lads, in large gangs, and despite the fact that we took a lot of money off them, they could often be a bloody nuisance.
21. Saturday night saw an equal balance of both lads and lasses but where the girls would be in threes and fours and be out hunting, the lads would be in large groups for their own safety, bravado and ego boost. Sometimes they had to be seen to be believed. Within the group they were all as hard as nails and with the backing of the gang were ten feet tall and could do what ever they pleased as long as it was anti-social and disruptive. Get them one their own and they were as soft as sh** and would squeal like stuck pigs and blame anyone and everything if it would turn the attention away from them. Talk about hard and loyal, I have seen and heard them give lists of names, as long as your arm, to the Police if they believed it would get them 'out of the frame' when something had gone wrong. What some of their parents would have thought had they seen how their angelic offspring's could behave when with their 'mates' and under the influence of a few bottles of beer, that they obviously could not handle, I shudder to think! The younger end were the worst, while they were still mentally and emotionally boys, when it came to handling the drink and knowing how to behave in mixed company, and where the sight of a cleavage, there for a reason, would make them giggle, tremble and choke on their beer and often, if a girl as much as spoke to them, cause them to rush to the toilet and fetch up. But there were others who never grew up and were simply arseholes and would no doubt remain so throughout their sad lives. Those who thought they could take on the world single handed because they had had a drink and the girls had rejected them, the result of their conduct and behaviour, and they in turn lacked the brains to see it. A few, much later on, did manage to pull through, but not many and of the girls, they did manage to pull, they were inevitably of the same type of low life that balanced up with them perfectly and could give back as much as they got and had to in order to survive. It could be amusing to watch immature lads and dick heads trying to pull girls that far outclassed them, not only in appearance, but also in maturity, brains and sophistication. I often felt sorry for the girls, if that was the best on offer, but they were not daft and knew exactly how to use and manipulate them and extract every last penny, before dumping them, and going home with 'me mate.' These same groups of rejected lads would work their way back through the town, after the Night Clubs had closed, looking for stragglers and hot food outlets and while doing so make noise and create havoc that would often include the kicking in of shop windows and running over the tops of cars, which they often got away with, as the Police were stretched to the limit at that time of night. There would also be those full of hell because the Taxi Drivers refused to take them and of course the obvious, they had failed to pull a girl and had spent a fortune while trying. They were then that nights potential car thieves.
22. One thing I could never understand about Night Clubs and yet it was fairly obvious really. No one, winter or summer, hail or shine, came out to drink wearing a topcoat. The reason was that if they proposed to end up in a Night Club, which the vast majority did, then there was no where to leave outer clothing, as the Night Clubs had a bad security record for looking after things like that, and if there were lads involved later, then the girls didn't want anything that might hamper the quick escape. In the middle of the evening, as when, at times, we were exceptionally busy and I and perhaps another barman, or someone specifically employed for the job, would have to stand on the door and control the flow in and out of the bar, they had to be seen to be believed. We had to do this for two main reasons, the first being to keep out the worst of the idiots and stop large gangs of lads from forcing their way in. The second and the most important, was to ensure that the crush, in the bar, did not build up to such an extent that it was impossible to move and therefore no one got served and glasses ran out and it was impossible to get round to collect empties. The crush in the passageways made it impossible to get to the cellars to change barrels etc and girls would get touched where girls should not be involuntarily touched and there would be slapped faces, pushing and shoving and then the fighting would break out. So it was sad to see them all, particularly the girls, running down the road, arms wrapped tightly round them and in the pouring rain or snow, to be then made to stand outside, which they often had to, would do and did, despite the fact that they complained loudly, while waiting for someone to come out before we could let them in. If we softened, which we were sorely tempted to do on many occasions, then we would inevitably end up with trouble inside and not only from customers but from staff and a Landlady that just could not cope, due to the build up of pressure, and although I never entertained the principal of having 'Bouncers' on the door, as I believed that a Bouncer set himself up to be challenged and could never win against a mob, it was necessary to stand the door at peak times and was the reason I would often do it myself, for the short periods involved.
23. Sundays would also see large numbers, but this time they would be mainly in pairs or mixed groups having successfully 'pulled' the night before. There would also be large numbers of failed males who would be rather subdued from either being hung over or suffering a bruised ego or face or both and a near empty pocket.
24. Lunch times were fairly consistent and were nearly always a mix of the more mature and older end with the exception of Sundays where predominantly the older end would sit and play dominoes while many of the remainder would be touring around and having a pre-Sunday lunch drink. The summers were different, then you never knew what you would be getting from one lunch time to the next and often the locals didn't help. Scarborough is a seasonal holiday town, or it was, and a large proportion of the workforce only worked the holiday season and were then free to do more or less as they pleased for the rest of the year, and for some unknown reason so many of them resented and were hostile towards those from whom they were indirectly making a living. Many thought they should get priority over visitors when it came to getting served at busy times, should pay less for their beer than a visitor, and many pubs did that, but not through discounts to locals but by overcharging visitors with a two 'tier' pricing scheme. That caused no end of problems when visitors noticed locals paying less and I never got involved in that, but in some areas, particularly down on the sea front, there could be differences of up to 20 and 30 percent. I had enough trouble with visitors who would boldly and loudly claim that the beer in their local club was only so and so and I would be obliged to put money on the bar and ask them to go and get two pints, one for me and one for them and I would pay and then remind them that as long as that was not possible, as they were in Scarborough, then they would be paying my price or doing without. Then the locals would also think that because they had been working long hours they should be granted the privilege of staying behind after closing time. Now at very busy times that can be very tempting but how do you get strangers to leave while making no attempt to remove the regulars? Then if you decide to let them all stay it would inevitably be the visitors who would let you down by either making noise when they left or if getting picked up by the Police outside, be only too pleased to brag where they had got their drink from at that time of night. It was a no win situation and I tried not to get involved, although out of season we would often sail close to the wind, with those we knew and could trust, and it grew and became almost standard practice, in nearly every pub, as the industry declined and breweries put pressure on. But then that's another story for later. During affluent times, those who got greedy and encouraged after hours drinking fell flat on their faces, as their reputation spread and the customers they ended up with were all those who would go to their favourite pubs first and only end up in the 'after hours' pub five or ten minutes before closing time. That pub having done no business up to that point then finding itself having to do 'after hours' to survive. I have seen many good pubs go down through greed when the law inevitably paid them a visit and came down on them hard.
25. Early summer would see the Hotels and Guest Houses desperate for business, especially later on when the winters got longer and the summer seasons got shorter and the cash ran out sooner and the banks got shitty. So they would take in and try and attract groups and anyone they could lay their hands on and some of these could be less than desirable. They could, and would, be either Pub Pool Teams or Football Teams, clubs and organisations etc from away and they, along with loads of others, were desperate for their first break following the long haul from Christmas. That and the Tourist Board encouraged, among other things, an early season Hockey Festival and the majority of them were pillocks and were the type of people that you would have expected to be a lot different. The damage they did was incredible and they would come in, spreading it over a period of time, in ones and twos, and not communicate with each other until there were twenty or thirty of them and then it would start. They would sing an there's not much harm in that, until it became so obscene that others were offended and beginning to sense an atmosphere building, would leave. Then they would dance on the Pool Table before tipping it over on its side and then follow it up with the Jukebox and the Cigarette Machine, that would be ripped off the wall. Legs were smashed off tables and stools and thrown on the fire and during all this time they were aware that the Police had been sent for and that they had about twenty minutes to finish and get out. During this time also, excrement was deposited on sheets of newspaper, in the toilets, before being brought out and thrown about. Yes it did, and they did it to me on more than one occasion. Their final act, as they fled when police sirens were heard, was to throw a handful of calling cards into the air, which informed us that we had been hit by the 'Something or Other,' which cowards, that they were, gave no indication as to their identity or where they were from, but stated that they hoped they had left their mark on Scarborough and that they would be back. From there they would move onto another pub, on the other side of town and it would be their turn. We would try and put out a warning, over the 'Early Warning Scheme', but that was the biggest laugh the Scarborough pubs have ever tried to organise. We got caught out three times and each time all we got from the Police was, 'You should not have let them in or you should have asked them to go.' It was at times like those that I would question what we had a Police Force for. Especially when it took them a long time to arrive and then make it common knowledge that their intention was only to clear up anything left behind. I have always held the Police in high regard but even they could let themselves down. We had in, at one time, a large group of men that started out OK but then became increasingly boisterous before becoming down right stupid and very badly behaved and when I asked them to leave they refused and asked me what I was going to do about it, as they were quite capable of serving themselves and I was free to go away and leave them to get on with it. I sent for the Police and in walked a Sergeant and several Constables. Now the drill is that you must say to the offender(s) in front of the Police, 'I am asking you to leave.' You don't have to give a reason, that is a part of the laws governing the running of pubs, and thereafter the Police are empowered and must remove them. On this occasion a big guy, standing at the bar, said, 'Wait a minute and take a look at this and then f*** off,' as he produced a Warrant Card. The Sergeant saluted and turning to me said there was little he could do as the card was that of an Inspector and that he and his men would have to leave as ordered. I said to the Sergeant, 'Give me your name and number before you either supervise my closing this bar or you send for a higher rank than him.' Some of the others, within the group, had already started to leave and the Inspector muttered something about only wanting a quiet drink and that they were only having a bit of fun and it was me who needed to get my act together and learn how to run a pub and how to treat and handle people and that he would be having a word with our Licensing Inspector and get me sorted out and then he left with the rest. It's amazing how many people think that when they get out of line and don't get their own way it is you who needs sorting out. The sad part about it is that some of them, like that Inspector, had a great deal of influence and often made life uncomfortable. Anyhow, the Sergeant, not happy, then insisted that I close, as that had been a part of my original request, but more than likely he did it to cover his own back against any possible backlash, when he could then, at least, have claimed that he had taken some action. More than likely it was to have a 'pop' at me for his embarrassment. So then I was not too happy, but closed to avoid further confrontation and to give myself some ammunition to use later, against them, should I need it, and claim there had been no real reason to close, once the problem had been resolved, but that I had done so, at his insistence, and it had caused me to loose business. When they had all left I decided that we would clean round, have a short break and open up early for the evening. While rearranging the furniture and wiping tabletops etc someone found a wallet and Police Warrant Card, on the floor, and it told us who the guy was and where he was stationed. Now it is illegal to keep a Warrant Card that does not belong to you, so we rang their station and asked what we should do about it, particularly in light of the inconvenience we had suffered at their hands, and if we should take it straight to our local nick. They said no, please don't, we will send one of our uniformed men for it and in the meantime do not part with it or tell anyone where you found it. The following day a uniformed man arrived to collect the card, for which I insisted I got a receipt, again for my own protection against backlash, and as he took it he handed me an envelope. In the envelope was a Compliments Slip, from their Chief Inspector, on which he had written words to the effect, 'Thank you for your kind cooperation in the return of misplaced property and find enclosed a token of our appreciation. We trust we shall hear nothing further,' and there was a cheque, made out against their Benevolent Fund for two hundred pounds.
26. We mentioned, briefly, the Early Warning System and what a shambles that always was. It was a scheme initially dreamed up by the LVA and the Police to give advanced warning, to as many licensed establishments, as possible, with the minimum of delay, of impending and anticipated trouble. It was also envisaged that it would be used to pass useful information back and forth to the Police. Now the Police always insisted on being part of it but would neither run nor organise it, so it was down to the local LVA. You have heard the expression, 'could not organise a piss up in a brewery,' and that adequately summed up the abilities of the local LVA. They would insist the committee organise it and there was not one single one of them capable of doing so. The numerous and different schemes they came up with, even when they got close to being workable, were inevitably let down at grass roots level where individual members either failed to understand them, pass on information to staff who would have to work it in their absence, or simply refused to cooperate as it was not their idea or favoured scheme. One pompous ass came up with a scheme that was so complex that it fell on its face at first base. Other schemes were for the introduction of expensive pagers that people either failed to turn on, keep charged up, or refused to pay the hire charges. One loon even suggested that the annual hire charge of a very expensive and unworkable pager system should be added to all annual LVA membership fees and made a compulsory part of membership. The Police, along with the membership who would, in the majority of cases, have resigned over compulsory payments, said no as they wanted members and non-members alike to be included in any scheme. Members then said that they would neither back nor work any scheme that benefited non-members. The Police must have had a good laugh at all the pathetic efforts and I am of the opinion that had someone devised a simple and workable scheme, which was not impossible to many not allowed to contribute, they not being on the committee, it would still have floundered during busy periods when the majority would have ignored it, adopting the attitude of sod you as long as it does not affect me, why should I care. A typical attitude of so many members and non-members alike!
27. It takes all sorts and as you can see, we got them all. I bet you don't know how often, in a busy pub, punters will nag you to turn up the volume on the Jukebox, as they have put 'good money' in it and now can't hear it, and then at the same time someone will want the Television switching on, again loud so that they can hear it over the Jukebox, for some sporting event or other, and then the whole lot, at the suggestion and insistence of one or two, of their party, would all walk out and leave you with it all blaring out. Regularly.
