Biography, Autobiography, Old Steve of Scarborough, North Yorkshire, United Kingdom

1. On the fun side and believe me there was a lot of that and where we would organise or join in, or take part in some way, in some great events, organised in and around the pub and with our punters, who were all fabulous and very supportive.

2. At someone's suggestion we organised a Million and One, sponsored, dart throwing marathon in aid of the RNLI. The Brewery provided all sorts of things by way of prizes and organised the local press and a celebrity to throw the first dart. Local organisations and businesses backed us and we ended up with printed T-shirts for each entrant, prizes for a raffle, a barrel of beer for the entrants and the local frozen food manufacturer sent along an incredible amount of frozen food to feed everyone throughout. We formed a queue and threw three darts each at the board, where the score was taken and deducted from one million and one, before being recorded on the back of rolls of wall paper, which we had also been given. After that anyone who had got themselves sponsored could throw darts for as long or as little as they chose and we even had others joining in after making a straight cash donation. The free beer being a definite attraction! It had been suggested that we should sell it and the proceeds go towards the fund but there was little support for that idea so it never got off the ground. Days later and with arms like lead, eyes bleary through lack of sleep and drink, and backs in indescribable agony, some bright spark suggested that we should end up on the number one and any overthrowing would not count. It seemed to take forever and only ended when someone staggered up to the board and pushed the arrow into the correct score. We raised, or should I say, that they raised a lot of money and that was not the only occasion that they did. They would continuously sell raffle tickets for any worthy cause and excelled themselves when it came to their own favourite things. You should have seen them, at the end of the night, when they had set off, at lunch time, from the top of the town and pushed down, an ever increasing slope, a thirty-six gallon beer barrel, not quite full of water, so that it slopped and went in every direction, as they went from pub to pub, a drink in each for the right to go round and collect. They supported local Marching Bands, Youth Organisations and Junior Football Clubs and many others too numerous to mention. They worked very hard for such organisations as the one from York, where all the York Taxi Drivers brought, annually, all the cities handicapped and underprivileged kids to the seaside for the day. Our lot would load them all in, feed them, usually with Fish and Chips, bought or scrounged locally and see them off with 'goody bags' and 'sticks of rock', when they would then continue their tour of the town and the 'sea front' and our people, left behind, would clean up after them. It was great to see the Police come along, first thing in the morning, and put out, along the full length of the road, all the 'no parking' cones so that the taxis, trimmed and festooned with balloons, could all park up. A lot of people, who would not want to get closely or directly involved with such things, got a great deal of pleasure out of making a contribution to those who did and no one more than me.

3. We used to stand outside and watch the Orange Order Marches go past, with their banners and very colourful bands, and then estimate at what time they might be back so that we could have the doors locked and all the lights out, as we much preferred that they worked off their high spirits and anger somewhere else. They were not all like that, but the very essence of who they were, and what they were trying to represent, unavoidably attracted a small element that were no good to anyone.

4. I mentioned Football Clubs some time back and Scarborough, like every other village, town and city had its share. The major league club never seemed to get off the ground and no matter what support they got would constantly fall on their faces as directors came and went, many having had their fingers and even their hands and arms in the 'till' to varying degrees and working rackets and scams with share holdings, fund raising and the likes. Recently the Receivers were in yet again.

5. Some of the minor and junior clubs were little better, attracting a poor calibre of leadership and honest support. Now before they all come down on me like a ton of bricks screaming we are not all like that, I know they are not, but they, as well as me, know there are some who badly let down the rest. We tried to support one such organisation who, in fairness to the 'good guys' who passed through their ranks, shall remain anonymous but where some strange things were condoned. Moneys received from whatever source and for whatever reason, and not handed over, and often ignored. Raffles drawn behind closed doors so that major prizes tended to go in certain directions.

6. A weekly draw, that I organised for them, with all the proceeds and often donations from us, going to the club, being neglected and badly supported because their man, who was supposed to come along and do the draw with me, wanted to move it to another pub, where it had been suggested that 'liquid' administration costs, for the night, should be deducted before prize money and any profits were declared. I raised the issue at an open meeting and was informed that their executive would deal with it. They did by not sending anyone to see me, and the draw, after that, being made from the other pub. Bits and bobs perhaps and no major issue and perhaps rightly so, but add them all together and what messages are being sent to the youngsters, too old to play in the Junior Leagues and not wanting to move on, but instead wanting to go into the management side? That it is alright to scrounge from a local supplier and have delivered, as they did to us, a dozen very large Chocolate Easter Eggs and several dozen others, all donated, for their Easter Draw and then to set out, as prizes, only eight of the big ones and about half of the others, as the remainder had already been won by the committee and management. Or on another occasion and the one over which we finally fell out with them and ended our support and relationship, was where they ran a Tombola, in the pub, at a Coffee Morning, with no prize draw tickets in the drum and instructed the youth running it, to only slip winning tickets to those 'in the club.' On the same day we had promised to provide Fish and Chips, good old Fish and Chips and easy to get from next door, and to go with them soft drinks, free as our donation and as a prize to two particular winning teams and their managers and towards that end, and to make it simple to control, I had designed and photocopied some invitations and handed them over to one of the managers. Once serving began we quickly ran out of a predetermined number of portions and as there was still a queue and we started to get verbal abuse from parents who still had a fistful of tickets, not only for youngsters but for themselves as 'supporters' and other young children who couldn't be missed out as that would be unfair. I sort out the Chairman, to raise the issue with him, and said I could arrange for extra but that the club would have to reimburse me, at cost, as I had pledged a fixed amount which in itself was quite substantial. He said that in that case it was up to me to get the money off those who should not have had anything and to supply those who still qualified. I explained that I had given tickets, for distribution, to one of their managers as I had no idea which individuals qualified, to which he said the fault was mine as I should not have handed out photocopies which could, in turn, be photocopied and that he had no intention of becoming involved in who was or was not entitled, when he knew full well who was. At their next executive meeting, I was later told that the fact that I had told them, in no uncertain manner, that I would no longer support them, was irrelevant, as they had decided that my support was insufficient. It was badly organised, for what I expected out of them, and that my lack of understanding as to how they worked and functioned was not in the best interests of the club and that they felt they could not take the chance of allowing me to organise a similar function again, that had not only embarrassed them but had brought the club into disrepute. If they defined the Club and disrepute in the same way that I did, then they were certainly right on that count and as far as 'what I expected out of it.' A few pints to a few adults and dozens of kids, not old enough to drink, and costing me and my fundraising supporters a fortune in free hand outs. I don't think so. But it didn't end there. Ready for it? The lady supporter and member of their committee, and the one who washed all the playing kit, had a few very harsh words to say to my wife when she was informed, when she turned up to collect it, that we would no longer be supplying very large boxes of soap powder, which we had done, on a weekly basis, for a long time, and that we were no longer concerned with where it would come from or who would be paying for it in the future.

7. While still on the subject of sport and fundraising, one of our biggest projects was in conjunction with three other businessmen in the town, all customers, and one of whom thought it would be a wonderful idea if we were to organise some events to raise cash for a then, little known, amateur sportsman who had won himself a place in the Barcelona Olympic Games and who no one seemed particularly interested in sponsoring. We organised raffles and loads of minor events culminating in a massive event that got all the publicity we needed and attracted a lot of support. We hired one of the largest hotels and put on a 'Sportsman's Dinner.' We hired two very well known sports personalities, as after dinner speakers, and our own local artists acted as Master of Ceremonies and provided the music and entertainment. The principal was that tables for ten were offered for sale to organisations that pledged one hundred pounds for them and thereafter could use them as hospitality and give the places away or could resell them to recoup the cost. The Hotel put on a truly first class meal, at basic cost to them and as their contribution and so it went on. On the evening in question, I and one of the others received the guest speakers and along with our sportsman, entertained them, with drinks and what have you, in the Hospitality Room and then saw that they were properly introduced etc as we went along. Naturally we were seated at the top table and this young man was so nervous that I thought he would pass out on me and I worked hard to put him at his ease. Anyhow everything went extremely well and it was agreed that after I had paid out for certain VIP taxis, top table wine and hospitality drinks etc, I would take the balance of the cash, from last minute payers and the proceeds of raffles and auctions etc, home with me, as I had a safe, and that we would all meet, at my place, the following night and we invited the young man and his trainer to come along and find out how we had gone on. The first let down, if let down is the right expression, came when all they wanted to know was when they could have the money and that his mates had worked out for him that with so many tables with ten on each at ten pounds a time, he had, plus an un-estimated amount from raffles and auctions which they guessed at being at least X pounds, in excess of Y pounds to come and on the strength of that he had been and ordered a car. A car that, he went on to claim, had been suggested by his mates, so that he could travel a hundred miles or so and train in a better gym. A halt was called while it was spelled out to him that from out of all those ten pounds, that people had paid plus all the extras raised, there had to be a fair proportion deducted for costs. He said no, as everyone had told him that it was all free and all for him and that is what we had said and no one said anything about hundreds paid out for speakers and he didn't believe that people would not have come to the dinner without them. We told him that we would not be a party to the purchase of any cars and that the money had been raised to fund his trip to Spain but as a compromise we would pay him a fixed amount every week until the money ran out, in order that he could suspend his full time employment and concentrate on his training. He very reluctantly accepted that and despite giving the impression that he still didn't think it was right, said they would come every week to collect and that they would continue to use the trainers car for transport and that the Olympic or Boxing Board Committee or whoever they were, would look after the rest. All went fairly well and he continued to receive a substantial amount every week, for which he and several of his mates were never late in coming to collect before heading out to spend it. He revelled in the publicity, what youngster wouldn't, while he toured round the town, like a boy racer, in a beaten up old banger of a car, that I suspected he had bought. While at the same time absolutely everyone wanted to be in on the bandwagon and it was staggering the exaggerated claims that were made over things that had been done for him, support given, promises made, of which very little or none actually materialised. The week before he was due to leave for the games I received a very large deputation of mates who wanted the balance of the money handing over to them, in bulk, as they claimed he had said he no longer needed it for training and that they could have it so that they could all go to Spain and support him. When I tried to explain that there was little left and if he came and not his mates, then I would with the consent of the other three partners, give it to him, I was met with hostility and threatened with physical violence and was reminded that I still had all the money from the dinner which they knew, as one of my partners had told them, had been raised from X number of people at ten pounds each and Y amount from the raffles and so far their man had only been paid X amount. They also claimed in their stupid, hostile way that they also knew that other money had been raised from other sources and I probably had that and intended keeping it, but they were there to sort it out and would not be leaving until I handed over the whole lot, which was not mine, it belonged their mate. I said I would speak with one of the other fundraisers, who worked opposite, and he would bring the cash. I quickly explained the situation, on the telephone, and he came straight across and said he had sent for the police and if they were not clear of the premises before they arrived they would all be charged with threatening behaviour. They left only to return the following day, in lesser numbers, but with our sportsman in tow. I told him no more money and on his return from the games to get a legal representative to get in touch with us and we would wind the matter up, with any balance going to his local amateur club, as a donation from him. He went to Spain and won Gold and since then has turned professional and according to current reports (Dec 2000) is IBF World Featherweight Boxing Champion. I wish him well and often wonder if he remembers us and the 'leg up' we gave him and all that cash his mates claimed we robbed him of, or if all those who advised him then, or have since jumped on his band wagon and taken the glory for absolutely everything, including his early days and the run up to the games, have clouded his brain, as no doubt and sadly, his boxing eventually would.

As a rider to that, he has since been badly damaged in the professional ring and has had to retire from boxing. I sincerely hope he does not blame us for helping him to get there as our intentions were well meant and he should have known what he was getting into.

8. During this boxing fiasco some dick head came in claiming to be from a local amateur club and stated, in a very hostile and aggressive manner, that we had no right to support individuals and in future all money collected must go directly to local boxing clubs. At first I politely listened to him, thinking that when he finished I would present our point of view. But it never came to that as he was so aggressive in his demands for current and future funds that the first chance I got to put a word in edgeways I told him to 'piss off' and go back to his punch drunk cronies.

9. Related to nothing and totally irrelevant to everything else, my wife had, for years, had problems with bunions on both her feet and they had become a problem. I was informed that she would be going into hospital on a certain day; staff had been arranged and although she would only be in for a few days I was expected to visit and take meat pies. The staff were great and all mucked in thus allowing me to visit as often as I could. On the day she was due home she rang and said that she could come out early if there was someone who could go and collect her and that I was that someone. Imagine my shock when I saw her with both legs, in plaster to well above both knees, struggling on crutches. She had never said anything about crutches, or I had not listened when told, as I hadn't when also told that she was having both feet done at the same time. At home it proved near impossible for her to get up and down stairs, in the beginning, and so to humour her just a little bit, I suggested putting up a bed in the lounge. She agreed and I did. That evening I worked while she played 'lady muck,' laid out on her bed with book and chocolates. We had closed and I was alone and down in the cellar when the phone rang. It was to inform me that a Police Constable was standing outside and that he would stand by until the Fire Brigade arrived, that they had sent for, on my behalf, as my chimney was on fire. When they arrived, smoke was by then spreading everywhere and as they dashed in through the door, they said to evacuate the building. In answer to the banging on the ceiling I informed them that it would be my wife and the banging was probably from one of her crutches. They dashed upstairs and carried her down, by which time it had been established that the fire was confined to the main bar chimney, in which we always had an open fire. In the ten minutes that it took them to extinguish the fire and remove all their stuff, so that you couldn't tell they had ever been, all their Senior Officers had turned up and so had several Senior Police Officers and Constables, all assuring me that they were all close at hand and that you couldn't be too careful with fires in pubs. It cost me twenty or more pints of beer that night and only came to an end when my wife complained that she wanted carrying back upstairs and then left in peace to go to bed, having only just come out of hospital that day. A few days later my son broke his leg playing Basketball and they both ended up with a picture in the local press and the headline, 'Whole family get plastered in local pub.'

10. Over the years we employed and played host to both amateur and professional entertainers and they ranged from excellent to 'bloody awful.' Magicians who's tricks went wrong were often more popular than those who got it right. Solo and Guitar playing singers, who sang the same half dozen songs every week, claiming that in the second half it was a different audience to the first half and each week it was guaranteed that they would be different. The local amateur pianists who would always play for a couple of pints, as opposed to those who thought they should have a weeks wages for three quarters of an hour, and one who, after coming in, would make his way to the piano and whilst appearing to be very drunk, would inform everyone that he was the resident artist and that they would all have to move and then help him move the piano. He would change his stool and try each one, exchanging it with every other occupied one in the bar, claiming that one of them was just that little bit higher than all the others and that he couldn't play without it. Then having finally sat down, with the piano lid closed, would complain that someone had taken all the keys and so he would sing and he had no voice. He would then say, probably to one of the women, 'go to the loo and on your way back ask them how to open this bloody thing.' By this time he would have all his audience really going and in-between nearly spilling his beer and falling off the stool several times, his rendition of unrecognisable tunes, on the piano, which anyone who is not a musician fails to realise, is very cleaver, though not particularly kind to the ears. As he took his bow he would then, in a drunken drawl, offer to play any encore that was shouted out to him, and of course the audience, by now laughing mainly out of embarrassment would call out all sorts of suggestions to which he would reply something like, 'For you sir, the Scott Joplin. For you madam, The Moonlight Sonata and for you sir, the Grieg or Beethoven's Fifth.' After which he would stagger, drink more beer, and sit back down before playing each piece to perfection and to a silenced audience who at the end would be screaming and stamping for more. He was a very accomplished artist, wonderful to listen to and a great guy to know. Only the other week there was a concert in the town held in his memory. He is no longer with us.

11. We had art students who would ask permission to sit and draw and then do some wonderful portraits for a few drinks. We had hippy groups, choral groups, student groups and many, many others who all wanted he opportunity to play and entertain themselves as much as an audience. Those we asked back we would offer to pay.

12. We also had local groups of runners and the 'Moors Rescue Team' who would use us as a meeting place.

13. Close by the pub and within the area where we were located, was a cross section of just about everything with a predominance of Hot Food Takeaways, bed sits and self contained flats, holiday flats and guest houses. These and others not mentioned were often, on the one hand, cause for concern, while on the other provided a great deal of merriment and some good laughs.

14. At one period three girls took over a flat, above a shop, which although diagonally opposite was on the same level as our upstairs, front lounge windows and we and invited guests would go up there and watch them at work. It didn't take long for their reputation to spread and gangs of lads would gather in the bus shelter below their window. The bottom door would open and out would stagger one youth, often still fastening up his 'flies' while at the same time a girl, blouse open down the front and displaying all she had on offer, would lean out of the window and shout 'next'. There would often be a scuffle as it was established who should go next and the through put rate was incredible, as in less than five to ten minutes, each would come staggering back out and be probably quite a few pounds (cash) lighter. The lights would go on and business would commence around eleven-thirty and would continue for only a couple of hours until after the Night Clubs had closed or until the Police arrived and carted them all off, which they did fairly regularly. But on a good night and without interference the throughput was staggering and provided us with some light hearted diversion, although we preferred to witness the police raids and listen to all the bawling and screaming that usually went with them.

15. There was an old guy, living in rather a decrepit bed-sit, close by, who was a very regular customer and who slowly drank his pints and everything else that was generously bought for him, as he was a poor, delightful, pensioner. Over a period of time we discovered that he had no family and that he had been found abandon, as a baby, and brought up on a farm. After that he had worked all his life for the local authority as a gardener. He had an arrangement with another guy, who occupied the bed-sit next door, that if he paid for the food, this other guy would cook it and they would share. One day, and quite by accident, while chatting to this old guy I found out that he was having some problems with money and pensions and rent allowances and everyone was telling him that he was loosing out and it was causing him some distress. To me the solution was simple and I told him where to go and what to ask for. The following day he returned with a mass of paperwork and asked me to go through it for him. I suggested we sat down and did it there and then and he was delighted, and then of course, it was from there that I found out that he could neither read nor write. Still no problem and as I assured him, it was no concern of anyone. If he would be prepared to answer the confidential questions I would fill out the forms for him. Savings and Bank Account balances came into it and he admitted he had some modest savings, as over the years he had saved, in a works savings scheme, and one or two of the widow ladies, who's gardens he had tended, faithfully over the years had left him a little something when they died and if he said what that was would they then not be prepared to give him some of these allowances we were claiming. I explained that they only took savings over a certain amount into account, when making their calculations, and to make a false declaration and be found out later could be very serious, but yet it was still better to make the claim and have it refused than not to make one at all. Bankbooks etc had also to be produced, as evidence of the amounts entered on the forms, and so it was agreed that the following day I would meet him and we would go together as 'I understood'. I knew before we set off that we were on a wasted journey but did not want to let the old guy down, who seemed to have so much faith in what he had been told and so we were going to get some more money. Civil Servants are renowned for their deadpan, uninterested expressions when dealing with the general public, but even this one had to looked shocked and ask if our claim was serious and I assured her that it was, as she handed me back two Bank Deposit Books in which one showed over three hundred thousand pounds and the other well over one hundred thousand. The old guy had just short of half a million pounds, in two tatty Bank Books, which he stuffed into the pocket of an old overcoat that a scarecrow would have been ashamed to ware. For days after he would remind me that he still thought he ought to qualify for something, perhaps a bit towards his rent, as he had worked all his life, 'and them that hadn't done a days work in their lives got all sorts of handouts,' and they had told him he should and they should know. One day he failed to turn up at his usual time and the other guy, with whom he shared the food and cooking, stopped another regular, in the street, and informed him that the old guy had passed away in his sleep. Weeks later the local press had, printed in it, a legal notice stating that he had no known relatives and if anyone had any claim on his estate to contact this firm of Solicitors. Shortly after that there was an article in the local press, of the usual hype and sensationalism, 'Local Tramp dies and leaves entire estate, of two hundred thousand pounds, to local orphanage.' There was a big buzz and everyone was talking about it, with many complaining about how much beer they had bought him, thinking he could not afford it. One barmaid had regularly made and brought him large meat pies, meat and potato pies, buns and cakes and the guy he shared with complained that he had always sat and ate all of them and then still demanded half of what ever had been prepared for the meal. Now the old guy had sworn me to secrecy and had even bought me a pint to seal the deal and during all our dealings he never mentioned having a Will or Orphanages. He never said he had been to one or had any dealings with one and, with due respect, I don't think he had the intelligence to know anything about any of them. I don't know what his dealings with solicitors had been over the years but I would have been interested to know where the orphanage bit came from or what happened to the balance of his capital.

16. Every year, on the run up to Christmas, we would raffle a one gallon bottle of Scotch Whisky and from the number of tickets sold raise a fortune for charity. That same old guy never bought one, as he could never afford the ten pence for a ticket. Most spending anything from one pound up to five pounds when they bought theirs. One the night of the draw one of our committee was going round and making last minute sales and did her best to sell the old guy one. In the end someone bought him one single ticket and he walked out with a gallon of whisky that he took home and shared with no one.

17. Just along the road was, what can only be described as a 'doss-house,' and the people who lived in there dossers, and the people who owned it and exploited them unbelievably, well words fail me, scum and similar expressions, coming to mind yet somehow being inadequate. Some, who lived in there, sadly knew no better, while others were sent there, having fallen on hard times, by the local authority and what a mixed bag they all proved to be, over the years. The police would regularly raid the place and leave with people handcuffed, and with vast amounts of stolen goods, including drugs. At one time an armed siege was laid to the place, to end with the police, once again leaving with a prisoner and a variety of firearms and goodness knows what else, in plastic bags.

18. During the winter months we tended to attract quite a few of them, as it was cheaper to sit in front of my fire all day long than to feed fifty pence pieces into a meter, in a flat, which didn't give value for money and of course any and all money was, after all, beer money, and as long as they behaved themselves I didn't mind. But as always there would be those who would let down the rest and would result in them all getting 'barred' from time to time, or until a new lot came along and took their places. Some of the stories they could tell were quite remarkable. To start with it was common knowledge and openly discussed that anything that was not fastened down was fair game to be sold for beer money and it was often not until a tenant, of a flat or bed-sit, had done a 'runner,' in other words left without giving prior warning or notice and often owing large sums in back rent or in trouble with the police or fellow 'dossers,' that it was discovered exactly what was missing and very often it would not be replaced for the next tenant thus leaving some of these places very sparse indeed. I have heard them declare, with delight, to their fellow tenants, that they had been provided with a replacement fridge or cooker and then go on to brag, the following day, while buying beer for everyone, how much they had managed to sell them for, and yet always moaning, at the same time, that someone must have broken in and taken them, as few doors, having been broken into regularly had serviceable locks on them. They would, on rare occasions, go to the trouble of reporting these, so called, thefts to the Landlord and to the Police, who would come along, take a vague statement and then leave. The Landlord would not want to know, as his only concern was that he would have to replace these items, with more second hand rubbish, when the flats became vacant. Fires were regular, from cooking on paraffin stoves or upturned electric fires or from drunks, simply incapable of knowing what they were doing. Many stories were repeated, over and over again and modified with the telling so that it was often near impossible to verify their accuracy but some are, never the less, worth relating. Anything not fastened down was fare game to be sold for beer money, as we already know, yet what about those fastened down that were not sold for beer money and all the rest? All the internal doors and their wooden frames, the skirting boards, every single floor board, with the exception of two widths, that spanned from the door to the bed and the bits left under the legs to support the bed, and they, along with all the furniture then being burnt for warmth in the winter. Then, and almost as a continuous and ongoing thing, the fighting and in-house battling as the drunks fell out and girls, women and outsiders, moved from flat to flat sharing favours and recourses. There was one woman who would spend a night in any flat as long as her husband got paid. One guy, permanently as black as a fire back, who being 'self employed' went round, door to door, offering to clean drains and at the same time claimed to be a qualified Chef and proved it by baking pies, who's fillings were of rotten apples and bananas, that he scrounged from the discarded waste in the local vegetable market. He made a great show of trying to give these grey, evil smelling, half cooked messes to us so that he could claim, to all other potential customers, that he supplied our pub. I hope no one ever ate any and that they all ended up in the same place ours did. One barmaid said she had fed one to her dog and it had made it ill.

19. A great favourite, when it came down to feeding and their eating habits, was for many of them to have Slow Cookers and into these, tip almost anything they could beg borrow or steal, as long as it didn't matter that they were not peeled and also went in with a generous helping of curry powder. Some of them lived for years on nothing else but booze and curry. They may have suffered from a variety of ailments, the result of this and other things, but I doubt if constipation was ever one of them.

20. At one time there were several families, with young kids, living in an establishment close to us and also some in a similar one a few yards further along and until they were all eventually re-housed and moved out of the area, were a menace. The kids were pushed, by their parents, other adults or older and bigger children, over boundary walls and through broken windows and they would steal absolutely anything and once in there, as I discovered when I caught two of them on the premises, would promptly and viciously inform you that if you touched them, which they were automatically going to say you had, then you would end up in jail and not them as they were too young, and so to avoid that all you were required to do, according to them, was open the door and let them go. What they had in their hands, pockets or up jumpers, they had no intention of returning, as their mother had told them that if they wanted anything then to just take it and they had, and so it was theirs and what were you going to do about it if you didn't want trouble? Further, if you did anything, other than let them go, their dads would come along and smash the place up and also they knew which car, parked outside, was mine. I sent for the police, who could do nothing with minors, handed me back what I claimed they had taken and was still on their persons, saying that what ever had been passed out, through the broken window, was long gone, before simply taking these two kids home. I sent for the police again the following morning, when they were happy to inform me that they were fairly certain they knew who had done it but without witnesses could do nothing and were sorry that all my car lights had been smashed in. Or on another occasion all the rear light plastic covers had been melted with disposable cigarette lighters, as was evident by the empty ones left at the scene. I didn't even bother to report that one to the police. There was just no point.

21. Three others, not more than eight to ten years old, were on a flat roof, in broad daylight, with a large lever, trying to prise open one of my back windows. When I challenged them they ran across the roof and jumped down to the ground, using my car roof and bonnet and bulging them extensively, as stepping-stones.

22. A group of youths, not the best of specimens or true representatives of society in general, told me that one of them had moved into an attic room, where the ceiling, which leaked, sloped down to floor level at one side and had been charged fifty-five pounds per week for the privilege. Now in those days the State only paid fifty pounds per week and it was common practise for unscrupulous landlords, and there were a hell of a lot of them, to charge an extra five pounds 'top up' for extras, but only to show the fifty pounds in the Rent Book. Complaining about this it was suggested, by the landlord, that the youth should share and then with two Rent Books and two lots of rent from the State, the five pounds 'top up,' in each case, would be waved. Having done this it was later suggested that three should share and then with three Rent Books, each showing fifty pounds, there would be five pounds each, of very valuable beer money, handed back, in cash, as a 'back hander.' Then a forth and finally a fifth, all cramped in the one room and with only a couple of pounds paid to each as a refund or discount. Then the local authority noticed a common address on claims for Rent Allowance and fearing over crowding but probably, from experience, knowing exactly what was going on, went along to investigate. The Health Inspector closed them down but no one left and hours later they were up and running again, as the Local Authority, desperate for accommodation, needed them, although they would probably deny that, and the landlady, claiming ignorance of everything, threw out all the youths, for causing her problems and then, no doubt, started over again.

23. People, from in the place along the road, would knock on our doors, at all times of the night, shouting and screaming to be let in, as they claimed they knew others were in there and in the cases where they believed lovers or spouses might be involved, would threaten to kill them and all sorts of other horrible things, if we didn't let them in and they got hold of them. Later some quite innocents, as far as we were concerned, having not been in at all, would turn up with black eyes and the likes. Often when these people were in and about, but not necessarily confined wholly to them, we would get complaints of toilets not flushing. When I went to investigate I would find anything from empty wallets and purses to, on more than one occasion, complete handbags, less of course the important contents of cash and credit cards etc. On other occasions I found pairs of knickers, which I don't think had been stolen and the proceeds from shop lifting that had, and for some unknown reason, been abandon in a hurry and all of them stuffed in the cistern tanks.

24. A youth rang up, one day, to enquire if we had found a wallet in the bar. Now house rules were that anything found or handed in, had to be handed over to me and left strictly at that, as some of the 'hooks,' who stood around the bar, were masters at seeing things and then making false claims. I would then remove the items, from the bar area, and refuse to acknowledge their existence or hand them over unless I got a satisfactory description and explanation. Failing that they went to the Police Station. On this occasion I knew nothing of a wallet and said sorry, no. The following day someone came to service a Gaming Machine and as it was pulled away from the wall a wallet fell out and from the ID within it I was able to ring this youth back and inform him that in actual fact I had found his wallet and he was free to come and claim it.. To my surprise, when he arrived, he was not grateful that I had found it, despite the fact that it contained ID and passes necessary for his work, and he went on to make all sorts of silly statements, claiming that it was my fault he had been in trouble at work and that I should search my premises more thoroughly and regularly to prevent such things and to claim it was at the back of a machine was absurd, as how could it fall out of a pocket and end up there? To me and to many others, I would have thought that was obvious, it didn't bounce and go straight there. He had either dropped it or had it taken from his pocket. However off he went and not long after, along came a Policeman, who informed me that a complaint had been made to the effect that I had removed and retained the cash and credit cards from within the wallet, as I had been the last one to handle it, according to the complainant. Had I therefore any comments to make, as this was a serious complaint? My reply, 'Officer, watch my lips, P*** Off.'

FAVOURITES.