1. Every year the Brewster Sessions are held at the local Law Courts and this is where the Police air their views and concerns over the way liquor license holders have responded and behaved during the previous year and where the Licensing Magistrates, with no experience of anything what so ever and least of all pubs, say what will and what will not be acceptable for the coming year. They gain this superior knowledge and wisdom by, once a year, touring, for the benefit of the new boys on the bench, all licensed establishment's and whilst in them, making silly remarks or drinking in the their own local, on occasions after time as was remarked upon, at one LVA meeting, by a member that had served them. But I wouldn't know about any of that. The last time they came to see me we were between sessions and closed and I was in the process of cleaning the carpet in front of the bar and because it was damp and the process not complete, it was a bit sticky. They came, wandered around the bar area and toilets and went. Later I was invited, by letter from the Court Clerk, to attend the next Brewster Sessions and to take along with me, a representative of my Brewery. Now, in those days, this was standard procedure and they invited people, in their turn and in groups, to attend, as the court was not big enough to hold everyone. So those, having applied for licenses, or wishing to apply for changes to an existing license, were asked to attend and a random selection of license holders with Brewery representatives, would make up the balance. I told my area manager and he said he would be there as several of his other licensees would also be there.
2. I trotted off to court on the appointed day and at the appointed time and chatted away with everyone prior to listening to the Police and then the Magistrates prattle on. When they had finished the Magistrates withdrew and the Clerk asked eveyone to leave with the excetion of the following, from the following establishments, where applications for new licenses and changes would be heard and he read out, among others, my name. My area manager wanted to know what I had applied for and why he had not been informed and I told him nothing and that there had obviously been a mistake and I would have to explain that when my turn came. When proceedings resumed they heard and dealt with several applications until, from the list, my name was called and I was invited to go into the witness box. I was asked to confirm my name and if I were the licensee of the afore said pub. I answered that that was correct. Could I explain to the bench why, as noted on a recent visit, I had allowed my bar carpets to become so dirty that they were actualy sticky on the day in question? I said they might have been as at the time of the visit I was part way into the process of cleaning them and had made reference to the fact, but that they certainly were not dirty anymore. They were clean and dry and I told them that if they were to send an officer of the court, the court could confirm that fact for themselves and as far as cleanliness was concerned could I ask one of the lady magistrates, sitting up on the bench, how she had found the toilets, which she had visited for personal needs, on that same day in question? She nodded and said they were fine. The magistrate then asked if my brewery representative had anything to add and he said he was amazed that the issue had even been raised as in his opinion the premises were as good as could be expected and that he had never had cause for concern and if he had then the issue, in light of the company's high standards, would have been raised, by them, with me and something immediately done about it. The 'Chief' Magistrate, sanctimonious old bastard, said that on this occasion my license would be renewed, for the coming year, and that they would inspect the premises in six months time. I hope they liked what they found because I wasn't there. Shit heads.
3. When we left Court the Area Manager prattled on about the whole thing being of acute embarrassment to the company and I told him only if he made it out to be as the whole thing was a load of bollocks.
4. Someone, in the court at the time, didn't let it drop and I ended up with a visit from the Estates Manager, who oversaw property on behalf of the Brewery. He wanted to inspect the whole property following receipt, sent anonymously to him of course, of the front page of the local rag which read, 'Local pub told by Magistrates to clean up their act.' It did state, in the article, there was no prosecution and no action was to be taken but of course it named us and suggested that although there was nothing wrong it was strange that it should have been brought up in the first place. It was amazing how many then decided to openly declare that they were not surprised and how we had got away with it for so long, and not one of them used the actual pub on a regular basis. Anyhow this Estates Manager told me that he would be sending in an independent surveyor who would draw up a schedule of repairs that would have to be carried out, to their satisfaction, over the next twelve months. This surveyor came and he and his assistant pulled up carpets, prodded and poked everywhere and took loads of photographs.
5. The insult came, a couple of weeks later, when the doorbell rang early morning and when I answered it a guy in shirtsleeves asked my name and then thrust this big white package at me and stated, 'You have been formally served with this notice of repair,' before walking away. It was a hell of a document, full of minute details and dozens of photographs. Out of interest, as I had no intentions of doing anything about any of it, I showed it to my builder customer, who had done all my cellar work and he sat for a while before offering a rough estimate of around £40,000 to £60,000. The re-roofing and the rebuilding of the chimneystacks alone would have cost an arm and a leg and they were only one of many which also included the replacement of windows and doors and the rebuilding of boundary walls, lifting and levelling floors, among many, many other unnecessary and irrelevant things. It got thrown on the pile and to this day, from what I can gather, none of this work was ever carried out although there has been an expensive bar refurbishment and that the pub is now one of those that has had more Landlords than there have been beer deliveries.
